GREEN RIVER HOLIDAY HOUSE – Paradise on the river Mreznica

The Chinese say, “The longest journey begins with the first stroke,” and I would say, “Whether the journey is short or long, mine begins with a visit to Carwiz for a car. Screw you all and your rowing!”

I took the Kia Sportage 1.6 T-GDi. Now I expect an attack from the eco-activists: “Scumbag! You’re polluting the planet with that gasoline and boasting about it!? Why didn’t you get an electric car? How dare you!”

I come from a traditional Croatian family, and we only use electricity for a toaster, TV, and some other torture devices, but now is neither the time nor the place to describe what we did to my sister when she announced that she was in a relationship with a black Japanese man.

Let’s get back to our journey. The sun was scorching like an asshole after Grandma’s hot chili peppers, so Dear Leader decided to take the team on a trip to Mreznica (Friday-Saturday-Sunday). I could have taken them to the island of Hvar, but one shouldn’t exaggerate in anything, including generosity. Just to be clear, we didn’t go to some meadow with a tent like the refugees, but to the “Green River Holiday House“, a beautiful house with a pool and a private beach on the river Mreznica, and plenty of other amenities that you’ll discover if you read this story to the end.

We quickly jumped into the pool and went to the nearby DP restaurant for an early dinner because we were hungrier than the children in Zambia. The restaurant is located by the main road, just a few minutes’ drive from the house. Before we left, I had to take a photo of Valentina, but I didn’t want it to look like she was posing. Her gaze was as mysterious as a nightstand 🙂

Let’s get back to the restaurant. I ordered truffle pasta with steak for the appetizer, and my colleague, Raj, ordered fried frog legs, which turned out to be a better appetizer because unfortunately, the pasta was a bit overcooked. Why does bad luck always happen to the baldest among us?

Raj ordered steak in green pepper sauce with croquettes for the main course, and although he was satisfied, my veal roast won this time with its mouth-melting potatoes, like a ball of Albanian ice cream for in the summer heat. Croatia – India: 1:1

Nikolina and Valentina ordered falafel as an appetizer, but I couldn’t post that. We are on Mreznica, not in Israel. Blasphemy in my Gastro Snob eyes. I hope the Simon Wiesenthal Center won’t accuse me of anti-Semitism now? Nikolina ordered grilled trout, which is a specialty here, but she complained that it didn’t taste like it was grilled, but more like it was cooked on a pan.

Valentina took the veal steak in mushroom sauce, if I’m not mistaken, but she admitted that my veal was better than hers. Everyone thinks that being a Gastro Snob is easy. The male part of the crew ordered better food and booze because the girls insisted on cocktails. I told them: “You are not in Manhattan, but in Mreznica!”, but in vain. They could order a beer like any fair world. Namely, the cocktails here are not exactly the best. All in all, it was solid, we ate our fill, the waitress was nice, so we’ll have to give them another chance. PS: Raj also took a TO GO veal roast for his wife Jelena, who joined us later that evening. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

We came home as tired as Donald Trump from sexual assault allegations.

Otherwise, the house has three bedrooms (one with a double bed and one with two single beds upstairs and one with a double bed on the ground floor). There is another sofa bed in the living room upstairs, so 8 people can comfortably fit here.

We welcomed Saturday morning with an Indian omelette. The recipe is the same as for the Croatian omelette, only an Indian prepares it 🙂

The house has its own private beach next to the river Mreznica and canoes with which you can explore the river courses.

Nikolina and Raj were the bravest. Like the Magellan, they set out to explore unknown expanses. I told Raj, “If you get lost and run out of food, just hit her on the head with an oar.” If you don’t eat her, she will definitely eat you. Hunger does not ask.”

Luckily, cannibalism didn’t occur. They returned alive and well. At one point, Jelena suggested that we take a short drive (about ten minutes) to the Island of Love, but I had some island of burgers or lamb in mind the whole time. I was dying of hunger. I can’t be romantic on an empty stomach.

Nearby, there was another restaurant called ”Mrežnička kuca”, right by the Mreznica river. The owners are the same.

We stopped by there and ordered carp chips as a snack while we decided what to have for lunch. The girls insisted on cocktails again. They didn’t get burned enough the day before.

This time, it was a completely different story. I don’t know if the chips were better or the cocktails. The carp was crunching in our mouths like crickets that retail chains introduce on their shelves to provide the suffering people with cheap proteins.

After the first beer, because I was skeptical, I also ordered a cocktail. 6 euros of pure pleasure in a glass. Mea culpa.

That sounds delicious! Asian fusion cuisine with Mreznica twist sounds like a fantastic combination. Raj’s order of Kung Pao with slow-cooked imperial meat, sushi rice, coleslaw salad, fresh leafy greens, boiled egg, and daikon sounds incredibly flavorful and satisfying.

I haven’t tried something better in a long time. I would eat this day and night. I got hooked on Kung Pao as CHURCH on a tax payers money.

The girls decided on the Beyond burger – a vegan burger with a pea hydrolat patty, BBQ sauce, tomato, caramelized onions, lettuce, hemp buns and sweet potato fries. It’s not meat, but it tastes like meat. There is some witchcraft involved. If they had eaten this a hundred years ago, they would have been burned at the bonfire.

As a traditionalist, I ordered the BBQ pork ribs with coleslaw and awesome fries, but a tear came to my eye when I tried the Kung Pao.

Going to lunch and not ordering dessert is like getting ordained as a priest and not looking at a little minister. We had to sweeten ourselves. Chocolate lava cake, breaded ice cream and amazing pancakes with homemade marmalade. I don’t know which was better.

Photos of the Dear Leader Joe aka God of photography, speak a thousand words, so judge for yourself.

All this food with cocktails cost only 155 euro and then someone says that Croatia is expensive 🙂

On the last day, guests from Zagreb joined us. Dear Leader Joe’s sister aka Helena with her son Ryuki, her guitarist Brane from the band Vroom, Vana and her friend and the owner of Ambient Park and Gabriel cheeses (dairy products) aka Alexandar Grgic.

Everyone had to pose in front of the camera in order to brag on social media that they live better than the rest of the nation.

It goes without saying that the Dear Leader Joe is living the best life 🙂

Alex was just watching from the sidelines and gathering ideas for his poses.

He arranged to assist Alexandar in preparing the barbecue (Two are located on the property).

Within the property, behind the second grill, there is also a children’s park: a slide, a trampoline, a swing and a small football field.

Of course I had to play Ryuki one on one and of course I beat him. They don’t call me Croatian Ronaldo for nothing.

I told him like a caring uncle to practice foosball a second time before going to the big field with me.

In anticipation of the barbecue, we slayed ourselves in the great “Gabriel” goat and sheep cheeses. There was no place for cheap cheeses for the working class.

The best barbecue is the one made by someone else. Thanks to Alex for cooking all day by the fire, but also to Raj for assisting. I would have helped them, but right after football something pinched me in the back.

What to say and what message to send at the end? Three days of pure hedonism just an hour from Zagreb. We didn’t even have a problem with mosquitoes because they drank blood in another location. You must be asking yourself: “Who can afford a villa with a swimming pool these days?” How is he not ashamed to promote this kind of luxury while the suffering people are starving? Who pays him for all that? He’s certainly not making a fair living!”

Author: Josip Novosel, also known as Dear Leader Joe, also known as Vin Diesel for the poor, a modest spellcaster from Croatia and a friend of the wealthy, a correspondent member of the magazine “Even Tycoon’s have feelings,” above all a patriot, and only then a tycoon and Gastro Snob.

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