PASSAROLA – IF YOU HAVEN’T EATEN AT PASSAROLA, YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN HVAR – GASTRO PARADISE BY CHEF DARJAN URDIH

I will quote a great man who wrote on Facebook the other day: “Dear Leader Joe landed on Hvar. I am asking all wealthy restaurateurs to contact me, and poor ones to avoid me.”

I’m expecting an attack from the haters in 3,2,1: “How could he quote himself and still claim to be quoting a great man?”

While jealous people are horrified, and I’m making millions from their clicks, we can easily return to me and the praises of my character. Unprovoked, my status was read by Darjan Urdih. He called me and said: If you are really a true Gastro Snob and hedonist, then you must come to Passarola. Now I’m a chef there and you haven’t tried such a food yet.

He added that if I didn’t like the food, he would cut off his hair with a knife.

 PASSAROLA – IF YOU HAVEN’T EAT AT PASSAROLA, YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN HVAR – GASTRO PARADISE BY CHEF DARJAN URDIH

The restaurant has a beautiful terrace, and every corner of the restaurant is decorated with interesting works of art.

They have a retractable roof and fans so we didn’t get sunburned. Global warming for everyone, movable roof only for them 🙂

We started with a light appetizer: Gillardeau French oysters with baby spinach, lemon emulsion, raspberry and red pepper. Now you see why they say oysters are an aphrodisiac. Viagra is for peasants.

Jessica sells art to wealthy people all over the world. I can’t serve her some cheap jewelry in a bottle. Only the best is good enough.

Chris is a former corporate lawyer and now a business investor, as well as a well-known business influencer. What’s good for Jessica is good for Chris. Any resemblance he has to Michael Cain is not accidental 🙂 You can follow him on Instagram catchchris_ifyoucan

I’ve advertised him too much. It’s time to return to our food.

This was followed by Istrian pasta with shrimps and black truffles (You see that not all black is bad). Finally good pasta that wasn’t overcooked. A great prelude to the Risotto Di Mare that followed.

The other day, my brother Kresimir complained to me that our brother Miroslav cooked him rice that was raw. He had heard of the expression al dente, so he took it rather literally. While they broke their teeths in Cucerje (Shithole place where they live) on the cheapest rice from the local store, I enjoyed Di Mare risotto. When you combine good rice, prawns, scallops, dried tomatoes, grana padano cheese and instead of my brother you have the genius chef Darjan Urdih, you get one of the best, if not the best, risotto ever made by human hands. This is FOOD PORN.

People often ask me: Where did Matusko (Famous Croatian winer from Peljesac) Rolex come from? Where did Matusko Maserati come from? Where is the Matusko speedboat from? I just show them this photo.

We had to order his Royal Dingac before the meat course, partly because of the pleasure of pairing good meat and wine, partly because of the fact that his speedboat consumes more than all politicians budget combined. Sometimes you have to think of others, not just yourself.

When I mentioned myself already, I told Jessica to take a photo of me not smiling, a photo that will make people finally understand what I do for seven-crust bread, a photo that will make them realize how much I really suffer and how hard it is to be a tycoon.

I almost shed a tear over the sad fate that befell me. I asked myself: Can lamb chops and duck put a smile on my face?

The silence of the lambs always brings smile to Dear Leader Joe face. What a lamb 🙂

The duck melted in our mouths like Albanian ice cream in the summer heat, but don’t accidentally think that my life is easy. My six pack was disappearing like ships in the Bermuda triangle, and I still had to make room for dessert.

Passarola has an excellent selection of wines. I am a patriot, so I prefer Croatian wines, but if you have 15,000 euros for a bottle, you can drink this La Tache.

Kudos to the young waiter who was always there when needed. Friendly and unobtrusively present with a smile on his face. I wanted to order La Tache just for the good service, but I recently vowed not to spend more than 10,000 euros on bottles. When I promise something, I keep it.

If you like good champagne, there’s no better than Krug 🙂

Even chef Darjan Urdih couldn’t remove the smile from his face when he saw empty plates being returned to him and praise for each course.

Just when we thought it couldn’t get any better, dessert arrived from the kitchen – Lavender Creme Brulee. A creamy base topped with a layer of hard caramel that crunched under the mouth like the best sugar candy we ever tried.

Since I was in the company of white Canadians all day, I didn’t want anyone to accuse me of racism. I asked the beautiful Jamaican lawyer sitting behind us to join us for a glass of wine and add some color to my story 🙂

Great company, great food, amazing wines… I said to Darjan in fluent Croatian: What can I do for you? You hosted us like kings. I didn’t expect it to be this good.

Darjan put on his Joker smile again and said: “You know how we chefs are obsessed with our knives? If you can, mention that I use V Blades knife by Vehid Saldic. Hand crafted high quality artistic chef knives. Do it so spontaneously that it’s native, so that it doesn’t come off as an obvious advertisement.”

Finally, we had to take a photo together. For Dear Leader Joe, it’s a small gesture, and for Darjan, it’s a memory for a lifetime 🙂

 

Author: Josip Novosel aka Dear Leader Joe aka Vin Diesel for the poor, correspondent member of the magazine “Better to be a hedonist than a communist”, friend of rich and famous, first of all a humble man, and only then a tycoon and the Gastro Snob.

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