ONCE UPON A TIME IN DALLAS – CROATIAN GRILL OR TEXAS BBQ? – FIFA WORLD CUP 2026.

Word got out in Cucerje (Place where my family lives) that Dear Leader Joe was traveling to Dallas for the World Cup match between Croatia and England. My family couldn’t hide their excitement.

Brother Miroslav asked me curiously: “When was the last time you were at a Croatian football match? You’re going to America just so you can brag on Instagram! You don’t watch football at all.” Brother Kresimir was a bit more positive: “This time your plane could really crash! Man is not made to fly!” Mother added worriedly: “Have you finally written a will? You really live on the edge. You’re always traveling somewhere. Who will get your apartment if something happens to you? Actually, when I think about it a little more, I hope you didn’t write one because then the apartment would go to me, and since I’m your mother, I don’t have to pay taxes. If it went to your brothers or your sister, they would have to pay taxes. It’s not worth it.” The father added: “Everyone there is armed. Someone will kill you! What’s the point of going to Texas for just 2 and a half days? You’re throwing money away!” Mother: “If you have extra money, you’d better pay for my nursing home!” The sister said nothing, but in her eyes I saw the message: “Why is he traveling more than me?”

Thanks to the war, I paid ”only” 1830.00 euros for the plane ticket, but what’s that for a tycoon like me 🙂

The first stop after landing in Dallas was the sports bar Frankie’s Downtown where I met up with my friend Kate from London, her boyfriend Thomas from Switzerland and their friends. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you Kate for the invitation to the World Cup. The last time I was so excited was when I found out about leg lengthening surgery.

I told the waitress in fluent English: “Give us BBQ ribs, chicken wings, a cold beer and some of that GMO sauce :)”

I immediately ran into Croatian fans. Dad and daughter from Australia 🙂

For those who watch every euro or dollar: Beers are 5 to 7 euros, ribs 19 euros… except that Americans don’t show tax on prices. There are also hidden costs like the 20 percent tip that they trick you into paying, if you don’t have a snake in your wallet, and in my case it was an Anaconda 🙂 Joking aside, a tip is okay if the service is good, and in the USA it’s really top-notch, but I wouldn’t pay 20% even if Kendal Jenner served me a beer and ribs. Now the soul-savers will say that this is how waiters earn because their salaries are not enough to live on. The suffering people of Europe said: “Let them eat cake” or in translation: “Increase their salaries :)”

PS: So that it wouldn’t turn out that we were stingy, Kate paid the entire bill with a 20 percent tip 🙂

Of course everyone wanted a photo with Vin Diesel for the poor or how my friend Dino from Las Vegas would say: Baby Rock 🙂

That night I passed out like Boris Johnson, but not from alcohol, but from jet lag.

The next morning, Thomas and I set out to explore the sights. What would a visit to Dallas be without visiting the site of President Kennedy’s assassination?

Dallas – The Sixth Floor Museum at Daily Plaza
Photo: Dear Leader Joe, Flash.hr

I sent photos from the crime scene to my family WhatsApp group: “From this building on November 22, 1963, they killed President Kennedy.”

My younger brother Kresimir immediately replied: “They didn’t kill him from that building. His driver killed him. I know that very well. The footage has been edited.” If my brother is killed by the CIA now, I will know that he was right, and if he survives, then I will know that he is lying like Neil Armstrong when he said they landed on the Moon. There is a third option. Maybe Kresimir also works for the CIA, and then I know: I no longer have a brother!

I sent a photo of the building to my colleague Eva, who commented: “Didn’t they kill him outside in a car, during a parade or something?”

I decided not to send anything to anyone anymore.

Cowboy hats were a favorite souvenir for all fans. Thomas asked me: “Aren’t you going to buy one too?” I answered him: “I grew up watching cowboy movies. John Wayne was God in my house, but everything changed the day Croatian television showed the movie Brokeback Mountain.” For those who haven’t seen it: Two cowboys in cowboy hats are having sex on top of a mountain in a tent. Since that day, cowboy movies, and with them cowboy hats, have been strictly prohibited in Cucerje. I didn’t want my parents to remove me from their will because of the hat 🙂

We went to a nearby restaurant for breakfast and even though we were full, we couldn’t resist the nachos from the Mexican restaurant across the street that they say is one of the best in Dallas. I’ve had better nachos at the sports bar, but the guacamole dip was amazing. I’m going to change my nickname to FAT JOE 🙂

In fluent Spanish, I said to the waitress: “Let me guess… You’re from Argentina?” She: “No. The boss told us we have to wear jerseys at work :)”

When I travel, I avoid museums and churches, but that doesn’t mean I don’t rise culturally. We’ve got our eye on: The Cattle Drive sculptures by Texas artist Robert Summers. It is the largest bronze monument of its kind in the world. The scene shows larger-than-life Texas longhorn horses (oxen and bulls) led by three cowboys on horseback.

Each bronze ox is taller than me, about 6 feet 11 inches (183 cm) and weighs over 1,200 pounds. The installation commemorates the 19th-century cattle drives along the Shawnee Trail that helped build the city.

Croatian fans organized a spectacular parade in downtown Dallas ahead of the Croatia-England match. They created a 100-meter flag and surprised passersby with folklore, cowboy flair, a tribute to JFK, and a performance by Steve Mesic Ludin with the fan anthem “We are going to the Top”

Being in Texas and not trying the best Texas BBQ is like becoming the vampire, but you don’t drink blood. It makes no sense. We visited Terry Black’s BBQ and waited in line for almost an hour, but every minute was worth it. There were two Japanese guys standing behind me, and one of them had the best T-shirt I’ve seen at the World Cup. Fan of the Year 🙂

We have prejudices that all food in America is bad, that everything is artificial, GMO, but when you try their BBQ, all prejudices fall apart. The meat melted in your mouth like Albanian ice cream in the summer heat. Imagine the best barbecue you’ve ever tried, multiply that by ten and Texas BBQ is even better than that 🙂

For those wondering what the difference is between a grill and a BBQ: The main difference is in the cooking technique. A grill uses high, direct heat to quickly cook smaller pieces of food, while BBQ is a slow “smoke and heat” method that requires hours of cooking at lower temperatures – Indirect heat in a closed space with the addition of hardwood smoke (apple, cherry, hickory) which gives the food a specific aroma. I copied this from Google. I hope it’s correct 🙂

I paid $92 for the BBQ platter, but only because I’m a naive tourist who ordered too much food. It was enough to feed half of Africa: sausage, beans, rice, brisket, pulled beef, great beers, and some banana pudding that I could have easily skipped because it has nothing to do with pudding. The next day I looked like Pavarotti, only without the beautiful voice 🙂

My father was afraid that someone would shoot me, and I told him: The only death lurking here is from a heart attack after everything we drank and ate.

After dinner, we visited the excellent local bar Double Wide. It has a bit of an atmosphere like we’re in Twin Peaks 🙂 At one point, I had had enough of alcohol so I asked for a sparkling water. The waitress (maybe even the owner): “Do you want a bottle or a draft?” I asked: “Which is better, what’s the difference?” She replied: “The bottle one costs money, and the draft one is free.” Of course I ordered the free one. Something like this should be introduced in Croatia too. I could have already had a villa with a pool, how much money did I spend on Jamnica aka San Pellegrino for the poor 🙂

The day of the game 17.6.2026.

We woke up early and went to breakfast at the excellent Loew’s Hotel near Dallas Stadium where the game was being held. Breakfast: $40 per person, all you can eat, but booze is extra, plus tax and tip, so the total was $117. How to lose all your savings in one morning 🙂

I ran into a family of Canadian Croats at the hotel. We had to take a patriotic photo 🙂

We left for the stadium a few hours early, but there was no need because the organization was great and there was no crowd. Prices: water $8.25, beer around $16, chicken nuggets $23, fries $8… It’s not as bad as people say, but if it could have been cheaper, it could have 🙂

I was sure that Croatia would celebrate or at least draw, but this time the English were better. Kate had reason to celebrate.

I congratulated the English fans in a sporting manner and toasted with them. The atmosphere was perfect. Over 70 thousand people in the stadium and later the after party without a single incident. Only positive vibes. The fans only whistled during the Hydration break because we all know that it is a break for commercials, not for the benefit of the players. The stadium was covered and air-conditioned so it was certainly not too hot for them to play.

The English were delighted that I had a Croatian jersey from 1998 and that it had Zvonimir Boban’s number 10 on it. They liked that jersey better than these new ones. When I told them that my idol was Delboy Trotter and that the TV show Only Fools and Horse was the most popular British series in Croatia, the beer came pouring in 🙂

Suma Sumarum: A phenomenally organized World Cup. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the most visited, most watched, and most profitable ever. I’m feel bad that this is my first time at the World Cup, but it certainly won’t be my last. Entertainment on every corner, positive people from all over the world in one place, phenomenal food, the best stadiums I’ve ever seen in my life, not a single incident, and Americans? There’s a famous saying about their southern hospitality – Treating guests like family and adhering to the “Golden Rule” without expecting anything in return. The people in Dallas delighted us. It’s hard to know who was kinder: waiters, passersby, police officers, taxi drivers… Not that it was worth coming for 2.5 days, but I would come again for just one day if necessary. 

People have complained a lot about the high ticket prices and I agree that they should be lower, but maybe not too low because this way hooligans don’t come to the stadiums, but a nicer audience. They should definitely abolish the Hydration Break and find some compromise on ticket prices so that everyone is happy, and not so that I have a fight with my youngest brother for the next championship. Me: ”Kreso, sell one kidney. I’m going to the World Cup!” Kreso: ”You have two kidneys. Sell yours!” Me: ”Kreso, don’t be selfish. You’re a IT guy. You don’t need two kidneys. You sit all day and don’t travel anywhere. I’m constantly on the move, and I drink… it’s too risky for me to live with one kidney. If the situation were reversed and you were normal and I was a IT guy, I would sell a kidney for you.” #Wearelalinthistogether

I don’t like to write about politics, but I have to mention that it is unfortunate that the Iranian national team is not treated the same as other national teams, which puts them at a disadvantage. If they are allowed to participate in the tournament because they qualified through the qualifications, then they should have the same training and accommodation conditions as all the other national teams in the tournament. The other national teams should have rebelled against such treatment of Iran. Winning against such a team is not a real victory. That is not sport, that is not Fair Play. Politics has no place in sports competitions!

PS: Just when I thought it was all over, I had a surprise at the Plaza Premium First travel lounge at Dallas airport. I had to pay an extra $25 for the business class lounge because I had access to a regular lounge, but I said, let me try it. The best service I’ve ever experienced. I’m sorry I forgot the name of the employee who served me, but I’m telling her boss Olga to give her a raise and advise her to get into photography too 🙂

Amazing food and even better service. In my next life I should be born in Texas 🙂

I can’t go to the other side of the world and not come back with gifts. I entered a store at the airport and saw some T-shirts with the words Dallas and Texas written on them for $2.40. I said to myself: Take 10. You only live once. I get to the cash register, and the guy at the counter looks like he’s seen God. He’s never had such a wealthy customer. He takes off the labels, packs the T-shirts into bags, all happy, and then the moment of truth: A $200.00 bill? If I haven’t had a heart attack from food, I’ll get it from this bill. I tell him: “Well, how the F… $200? The T-shirts are on sale. It says $2.40 per T-shirt, right here!?” He replies: “Sir, it says 2 T-shirts for $40!” I didn’t know where to look first because of the embarrassment. I told him: Give me these gummy candies bc. I was wasting your time and return the T-shirts. Do I look to you as Elon Musk? I am Vin Diesel for poor, Baby Rock :)”

The only real inconvenience on this great trip was on the way back. The Lufthansa flight from Dallas was 3 hours late. In Frankfurt, a bus took us to the wrong terminal, which made our flight to Zagreb miss. All direct flights to Zagreb that day were fully booked. The only option was to wait 5 hours for a flight to Zurich and from there fly Croatia Airlines to Zagreb. I took that flight, only to receive a message on the plane to choose a hotel to stay in and that my flight had been changed to the next day at 11:45 am, even though this flight was not cancelled, nor was the plane fully booked. We were given a dinner voucher, but only worth 20 CHF, so we had to pay the difference. I ended up traveling to Zagreb for almost 48 hours. Now I know how Moses felt when he led the Jews through the desert.

I’ll write a biography: It’s hard to be rich

Author: Josip Novosel aka Dear Leader aka Vin Diesel for the poor aka Baby Rock, a corresponding member of the magazine ”Football is Not for the Poor”, a friend of the wealthy, first and foremost a human, and only then a tycoon and Gastro Snob.

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