Monaco Yacht Show 2026 – Only the poor complain, the rich stay silent and endure!

Dark clouds gathered over the Mother of All Shitholes – the place in Croatia where my parents live.

My family had heard that I was traveling to the Monaco Yacht Show from September 23rd to 26th. They couldn’t hide their excitement about my departure for the faraway and unknown world this time either. My brother Krešimir quite rightly asked politely: “What the fuck do you know about yachts?” My brother Miroslav added: “The last time he saw a ship was when he watched Titanic! Kate Winslet would never have seen that door if the Dear Leader Joe had been in DiCaprio’s place.”

I actually have to agree with that. The fat cow took up enough room for two, while this poor bastard froze to death because the merciful lady pretended she was short on space. That’s why the saying goes: Never trust a woman who lies!

My mother insisted I eat plenty of cabbage so I wouldn’t get scurvy. It was no use explaining that the ships were docked and I was just looking at them—and even if I *were* sailing on one, I certainly wouldn’t be eating pickled cabbage, but rather scampi, sushi, and caviar. It’s not like I’m setting off on a round-the-world voyage in a wooden sailing ship without a fridge. She was watching too many historical movies on TV and then she try to lecture me. My father is always curious about who pays for all these trips of mine. I told him: the taxpayers of the Republic of Croatia. It’s the least I can do for this long-suffering nation—to travel when they can’t. My sister couldn’t bring herself to say a word. Her conscience was stinging because she hadn’t given her child a Catholic name, so now little Ryuki can’t celebrate his name day. I told her she’d burn in hell, but that she shouldn’t be too sad, since she’d be roasting right along with the rest of us. Heaven is nice, but hell is where the family is 🙂

After this theological introduction, let us return to Monaco.

The destination sounds exclusive, but the journey there is anything but exclusive, at least if you are traveling from Zagreb Airport (or, for the patriots among us, Franjo Tuđman Airport). I took a Lufthansa “bakery” flight at 6 a.m. to arrive in the wealthy Principality of Monaco as early as possible, but Zagreb’s connectivity to jet-set destinations is on par with Croatian football tactics against England (We lost 7:0).

First, you land in Munich, wait five hours for the flight to Nice, and then take an Uber from Nice to Monaco—or, in my case, to Beausoleil, a French town situated right on the border with Monaco. It is often called “Upper Monte Carlo” because it rises in terraces above the Principality. Accommodation here is much cheaper, after all, and it took only about a twenty-minute walk to reach the Monaco Yacht Show from the one-room apartment I was renting for “only” 500 euros a day.

Monaco Yacht Show it was founded in 1991 by French entrepreneur Maurice Cohen, and in 1994, the rights to the event were sold to the company IIR, which also managed the Superyacht de Nice event. Following attendance issues, IIR decided to focus the Monaco Yacht Show on superyachts—vessels ranging from approximately 20 to 90 meters in length. Size does matters 🙂

This year, yachts worth nearly 5 billion euros were on display at the show in Monte Carlo’s Port Hercules. A taxi driver warned me that I wouldn’t be allowed to tour the yachts at the show unless I presented myself as a potential buyer. Of course, someone actually has to believe that claim.

I wondered, who would be my first victim? Who would believe that I was buying a multi-million-euro yacht? At that moment, I spotted a well-known couple, Snjezana and Franz Schillinger.

It is easiest to fool someone you know well. I asked Snjezana in fluent Croatian: “Do you have anything for up to 10 million euros? I wouldn’t want to throw money around in these difficult times, when the long-suffering people of Croatia are battling inflation. We need to tighten our belts and send a message to the public that we are all in this together.” Snjezana was as excited as a Nepali woman in a café when I left her a 2-euro tip. A bottle of Dom Pérignon was opened, and the schrimps were on ice. She showed me a catamaran they were selling for just 8.5 million euros. VAT was not included in the price.

It can accommodate 16 people – 10 passengers and 6 crew members. It all sounded impressive, but I just needed good photos for Instagram so my followers could see that I’m living better than them 🙂

A Chinese colleague of mine, who is also a model, asked me in fluent Chinese to take a photo of her, too. I said: “You gave us Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and cheap electric cars; what’s one photo compared to that?”

Snjezana arrived with the paperwork and a pen. The situation had become too serious. I had to come up with an exit strategy. I asked my Chinese colleague to faint. How could I buy a boat while someone next to me was fighting for their life? I have always put others before my own well-being. That is my greatest weakness.

For all potential buyers, take a look at the Master Yachting.

PS: This is not a paid advertisement 🙂

All that kindness made my blood sugar drop. I told myself: You aren’t in Monaco every day. Go ahead and get two scoops of ice cream – hang the cost. And these were proper scoops, not the “half-and-half” that you get when your parents are poor. I tried to pay, but the young lady just laughed and said the ice cream was free. Needless to say, I stood in line every day and more than once, too. Maybe this was their way of making up for charging 700 euros a day for the tickets 🙂

PS: The Dear Leader Joe got in for free, of course. VIP guests don’t pay 🙂

Speaking of prices, aside from the astronomically expensive accommodation, restaurant prices are comparable to those in Croatia if not lower. A pizza at the Italian restaurant Bella Vita costs 17 euros, spaghetti Milanese is 20 euros, and a club sandwich at the Equivoque restaurant which features a terrace overlooking the Yacht Show is 20 euros.

Stars of Monaco – lamb curry with rice €28, small beer €7, cocktails €15.

These are prices at prime locations, not in some out-of-the-way basements. There are more exclusive places, too, but I focused on what was closest to the Yacht Show so I wouldn’t waste too much time. The goal was to meet as many people as possible and arrange as many business collaborations as I could.

Here’s what a 50-meter yacht for 12 guests looks like. You can get it for just 36 million euros. If you’re interested in FELICITA, you can find more information at www.cecilwright.com

I also met the brilliant singer Yaj, who sings on luxury yachts and has performed in Dubrovnik and on the island of Hvar.

I got the invitation to Monaco from Roberto Sesana, who organized great business networking meetings there with his team every day in a 120-square-meter apartment in the center of Monte Carlo. The Deck Club – Monaco Yacht Show 2026. Thanks to Iva Matasic for introducing me 🙂

The entrance fee was only 180 euros per day, including board and alcohol. Private chef, caviar, salmon, white truffles (Istrian), champagne, live saxophonist…

I had already collaborated with Robert professionally, as some members of my IBMC (International Business Meetup Club) had attended Formula 1 races through him, so I knew I couldn’t miss this.

Luxury is around every corner in Monte Carlo 🙂

How do you stand out among these people who have everything and have seen it all? You have to be different, more original. I decided on a tactic: Fast and Furious Croatia 🙂

When Croatia convinces itself that Hvar and Dubrovnik are luxury destinations, yet our biggest shopping attraction is the Mlinar bakery, one has to ask: what, then, is Monte Carlo? Gucci, Prada, Balenciaga, Rolex, Breitling, AP…, you name it, they’ve got it. In Croatia when someone parks a yacht teeming with female fans of Russian literature, the best they can do is hand them a card to go grab a scoop of ice cream for five euros. Luxury shopping simply does not exist on the Croatian coast.

As I recently signed a contract with Breitling and Krona Exclusive (They are now new partners of the IBMC), I also had to visit the Breitling store in Monte Carlo. Their watches are worn by Haaland, Giannis, and Charlize Theron, but also by famous figures like the Dear Leader Joe 🙂

On the last day, I ran into a colleague, Lindsay from Brazil, who lives in Cannes. We had met on Hvar.

She came to the Yacht Show with a friend from Miami.

God keeps sending wonderful people into my life. It’s not my fault I don’t socialize with commoners who are less pleasing to the eye 🙂

She invited me to Café de Paris to meet her friend Nora Fay, a designer and organizer of brilliant events. She knows everyone in Monaco.

Café de Paris is a Belle Époque-style café and restaurant from the early 20th century, located in Monte Carlo right next to the Casino de Monte Carlo. Established in 1868, it reopened in November 2023 following a recent renovation that cost a staggering 55 million euros. It’s as if they knew I was coming and decided to spare no expense 🙂

We had a drink, and Nora wouldn’t let me pay the bill. I got her phone number right away. You want to stay in touch with women like that. I invited them all to join us for our final business networking party at Robert’s place 🙂

Every evening, we hosted around 40 people from all over the world: luxury yacht brokers, owners of luxury real estate agencies, luxury car dealers, event planners, designers, football managers, figures from the film industry, industrialists… No one gave you that idiotic Croatian line: “Send me an email and we’ll be in touch.” It was easy to make connections and arrange business collaborations. People immediately understood what you did and whether or not you were good at it. I was surprised to find that 99% of them had never been to Croatia. They all gave the same answer: You need better marketing! Apparently, John Malkovich doesn’t attract the jet-set crowd 🙂

I finally met James W. Phillips from London in person. He is the owner of  the ”Relentless” luxury magazine and also has the honor of publishing the Dear Leader Joe’s columns 🙂

Nora introduced me to Marek and Thomas who organize great events in Monaco and are well connected with everyone.

I told them about how I organize IBMC business networking parties in Croatia for business people from all over the world, and how I now plan to launch events in Dubai and Monaco. Thanks to everyone I met during my four days in Monte Carlo, I already have a pretty substantial list for the first event and after that, the sky’s the limit. There is no tax on income, dividends, or interest in Monaco. I just need another 10 million euros for a studio apartment, and I could move there right away. I’m going to call my brother Krešimir now and tell him to sell a kidney. It’s the least he can do for me. I’ll tell my brother Miroslav to sell one too, and once my sister sees how happy they are with just one kidney, she’ll sell hers as well 🙂

PS: Every time I return from trips like this, I feel like I’ve recharged my batteries and I’m full with new business ideas. I was at the Munich airport and needed to take a massive dump. I was thinking: There are reward miles for flying – frequent flyer programs etc., but nothing for those of us who drop loads at airports around the world. Maybe I could be a “frequent shitter,” or even a “Shitfluencer”! It’s time to build a new app. It’ll be called SHIT APP. If I sell it, maybe Krešo, Miroslav, and Helena won’t have to sell their kidneys. The emphasis is on *IF*!

Letters from angry readers:

Julie M. – What kind of Masonic promotion is this? I can barely afford my utility bills, yet he’s talking about multi-million-dollar yachts, truffles, and caviar? Who’s paying for all that? I’m calling the tax office right now—let them look into it!

Ivana V. – What a disgusting materialist. This man doesn’t have a shred of spirituality. Nothing but money, yachts, alcohol, women… It’s a disgrace. He’ll burn in hell!

Ante P. – Zar smo se za ovakve borili? Sve bi ja to u vojsku pa na frontu. Hrpa neradnika. ZDS!

Bill C. – Who gives media space to characters like this?

Marija I. – My Filomena writes so beautifully. She was in Albania this summer. Why don’t you write about her? You wouldn’t publish her articles, yet there is always media space for these crooks and criminals. Shame on you! I spit on Dear Leader Joe!

Greta T: How dare you!?

Author: Josip Novosel aka “Vin Diesel for the Poor,” aka “Gastro Snob,” self-proclaimed “Dear Leader Joe,” corresponding member of the magazine ”Only the poor complain; the rich stay silent and endure!”, friend of the wealthy, and above all a human being, and only then a tycoon and Gastro Snob.

www.instagram.com/dearleaderjoe

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