KaiSol Romance Resort Sahl Hasheesh – Can the Egyptian pyramids surpass the Bosnian pyramids?

We all know very well that Bosnia aka BIH, is known for its pyramids, but for those who don’t know, pyramids also exist in Africa, more precisely in Egypt. Since I haven’t traveled for a long time due to corona restrictions/insanity, I decided to finally end the travel post and visit the land of the pharaohs. Egypt does not ask for any Covid certificates. God bless them. I was as excited like Bill Gates when he realized that people believed his pandemic fairy tale. I came all happy to the family lunch to share the good news with them. There are no words to describe their delight.

Brother: ”If you wanted to see the pyramids, you could go to Bosnia. What does Egypt have that hasn’t already been seen in BIH? Not to mention the travel costs! You will get diarrhea and malaria there. Africa is a dangerous country!”

Father: ”Are you fucking insane? There are Muslims, the Taliban! Al-Qaeda will kill you, and if they don’t cut your head off, sharks will eat you. You’re not coming back alive. Aren’t you watching the news?”

Mother: ”Father may be right. Maybe you should write a will before the trip? Who is your apartment going to?”

Mine are famous world travelers. They never travel outside Croatia, but they know everything about tourism and the geopolitical situation around the world. When the CIA doesn’t know what to do, they call my parents. Since I never listened to well-intentioned family advice, I decided to risk my life. I told my youngest brother and sister: “I am too important a person to be cremated after death.” If I ever die, you must embalm me and lay me in the most luxurious pyramid there is. I’m not going to Egypt on vacation. I’m looking for a grave, and the least I expect from you is to be burned on the day of my departure, in honor to your brother.”

Helena and Kresimir were speechless. I obviously touched them with my generosity. Only Miroslav got angry. He is the second brother, 2 and a half years younger than me. He asked: ”And me? Do I smell? Why did you leave me out? I’m not good enough for the bonfire?”

Curse of the elder brother. It’s hard to please everyone these days.

I went to the Palma Travel agency and looked at what kind of arrangements they have for Egypt. I wanted to pay for the Nile cruise, but I changed my mind at the last minute when I saw the Kaisol Romance Resort Sahl Hasheesh in Hurghada. An all-inclusive resort on the shores of the Red Sea and no children allowed (This might turn off members of the Church, the Dalai Lama or someone like Jeffrey Epstein, but it was a music for my ears. No children, no screams, peace, quiet, cocktails… . SOLD OUT!)

The travel arrangement is from Saturday to Saturday, and numerous excursions can be booked from the hotel. I was traveling by charter flight from Ljubljana, and I also paid about 50 Euros for return transportation by van (To the airport in Ljubljana from Zagreb and back). We rich people can afford that luxury 🙂

The flight was about 4 hours long, and as we left in the afternoon, by the time we cleared customs and the transportation of all passengers to their hotels, it was already 11 pm. I recommend that you immediately buy an internet card for your mobile phone at the airport. I paid only 7 euros for 40GB of internet. Now someone will ask: “What the F…k would I need 40GB?” For example, I follow trends. There are so many interesting Only fans pages. Not everyone wants to be informed like me. Another tip: You can pay for everything there with dollars and euros, but it’s better to bring euros because they have problems with dollars if you pay with big bills, and some don’t even accept them if they’re older editions. They will also try to trick you at the airport when returning change so you should exchange the notes for smaller denominations. They were not lucky with me because I grew up in Croatian Bronx. I know all the tricks, including the Egyptian ones 🙂

The plan was to do absolutely nothing for the first two days. Waking up, throwing in the pool, breakfast and then lying on the beach. At the end of March, it’s raining in Zagreb, and I’m enjoying the sunny 30 degrees in Egypt 🙂

The sandy beach is only a few meters away from the hotel. Crystal clear Red Sea. It’s like being in the Caribbean. Maybe Egypt’s slogan should be “Caribbean for the poor”. All inclusive is also valid on the beach. Sunbeds, drinks, food… everything is included in the price. The WIFI works, but it didn’t matter to me with my 40GB internet.

A young Cuban saxophonist Yazmin Nubia, made sure that the atmosphere was perfect, playing the song “Can’t Take My Eyes off You” in my ear.

Suddenly, chefs and waiters appeared on the beach and everything was ready for a brutal Egyptian grill with cocktails. On arrival you are warned to only drink water from the bottle (although I also drink wine only from the bottle) and I followed that, but I ignored the fact that there was ice in the cocktails. I drank a couple of them, but luckily I didn’t have any consequences. Maybe people from Croatia are more resilient than other inhabitants of the planet?

The second day, the hotel reception manager, Mr. Emad Hasan, called me to thank me for tagging them on Instagram. When they saw that I was an Influencer and a world famous photographer and travel writer, they decided to move me to a room with a nicer view. All at the expense of the hotel. I really thank them from the bottom of my heart.

By the way, in Egypt, when you mention that you are from Croatia, everyone shouts Luka Modric. Luka is like God there. Emad told me how his brother Mostafa used to play football, but had to stop due to an injury. He is a big fan of Luka Modric. I will try to reach Luka or someone with whom Luka is good so that we can send Mostafa a signed jersey. He deserves it with a Facebook profile like this 🙂

After two days of lounging, I decided to go on one of the many excursions. Ever since the movie “The Big Blue”, I’ve been dreaming about scuba diving and swimming with dolphins. Since I was in Egypt, I had to take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime and pay for scuba diving and the day after snorkeling with dolphins, of course in the open sea. With a little haggling, those two trips cost me 130 euros, and the price included lunch and drinks on board. Later, I still paid 35 euros for video and photos from each excursion, but what is 200 euros for an unforgettable experience? (I know this sounds like a quote from a escort ladies service user)

There were many inexperienced people diving here for the first time. The instructor explained to us some details that we must pay attention to and said that beginners will dive with him until about five, max. eight meters deep. I politely asked him: “And why the F..k did I buy a diving watch that can go 200 meters under water?”

Just one more important note before diving in. Every experienced diver knows this: “You can’t dive into the depths on an empty stomach, but then again, you can’t overeat and get sick under the sea.” You have to be careful, and that’s why I only ate about 20 donuts with chocolate for breakfast, and I could have done a lot more. Safety first.”

After I heroically jumped into the unexplored depths of the Red Sea, others gathered their courage and put bottles on their backs. The instructor said 5 meters, but this is my story and let my hair grew again if I’m lying, but I’m sure I dived at least 190 meters. I would go deeper, but I didn’t because of the watch. It’s new. Needless to say, everyone immediately agreed that I was one of the best, if not the best diver they had ever seen in their life and that they were honored to dive with me.

This is how it looks my video that I paid the hard-earned 35 Euros for 🙂

The second day we went snorkeling with dolphins, and I turned red like a baboon’s ass from the intense sun. Who buys sunscreen in March? For all those who wonder what it’s like to stay in a 5-star resort where everything is included in the price: There is a six pack, and there is a six fat. It’s not my fault, it’s the good Egyptian food 🙂

If you think that the Croatian sea is the most beautiful, look at this. Corals, fish in a thousand colors. I think I have run into NEMO at least ten times.

I haven’t even mentioned dinner yet. Plenty of food every evening with very good international cuisine, but if you want, you can book two days in advance one of the “A la carte” restaurants within the hotel: Indian, Italian, Lebanese, Asian and fish restaurants. Only fish is charged separately, the others are included in the price. Important note for all alcoholics: Cocktails are made with local alcohol, which is not really the best. If you want imported alcohol, you pay extra. Croatian grilled fish is much better, but everything else was good.

After dinner, there is an entertainment program on the hotel’s terrace. Numerous performers from all over the world: dancers, singers, saxophonists… I would like to say hello to the amazing and beautiful Cuban singer Yayi. I met her there. I also played for hotel guests one evening. They have an electric piano at the reception so I took the opportunity. Whoever guesses which song I’m playing wins a prize trip to Ukraine for two 🙂

The last two days the wind blew a bit, so I decided to skip the excursions and lie on the beach. I was thinking about what true love is and at that moment I saw a couple from the Netherlands. I offered to photograph them on the beach. During the conversation, I found out that the gentleman works as a bus driver. I thought: That’s it! That’s true love. She loves him even though he drives a bus. Not all women want doctors, lawyers, football players, politicians, actors, singers… There are also those real women who want an honest bus driver. This couple restored my faith in love. I hope that they will publish this story on the official website of the professional bus drivers.

Egypt also has its own Baywatch team. There is a warning on the beach not to swim at night, but during the day everything is ok, at least while this young gentleman Ahmed is watching over you on the beach.

I promised to many people that I would publish their photos in my column if they paid. I’m still waiting for the payment from the young Swedish woman 🙂

It is interesting that there are numerous shops within the hotel, and in one of them you can buy a fake Rolex or another well-known watch brand for about 150 euros. Of course I didn’t buy a fake watch. I’m not some poor tourist. Dear Leader Joe has a real Rolex 🙂

My last photo from the hotel. See you soon 🙂

For all those who are wondering: CAN THE EGYPTIAN PYRAMIDS TOP THE BOSNIAN PYRAMIDS? DID HE REALLY GO TO EGYPT WITHOUT SEEING THE PYRAMIDS?

If I wanted to see the pyramids, I would go to Bosnia 🙂

Joking aside: How would I know this? I didn’t see the Bosnian pyramids, nor did I have time to jump to Cairo to take a look at the Egyptian pyramids. I mean, I had time, but I was lazy. Now I have a new reason to travel. For all those who are still crying, here is a photo of Branka Mamula who also traveled to Egypt with Palma Travel, but unlike me, she cruised the Nile, visited Luxor and of course saw the pyramids in Cairo, and even rode on a real camel. 

While I was enjoying myself, she was on an undercover mission. I sent her to find me an adequate grave. Does this look adequate to you? It’s as if Ray Charles was renovating it. I need something less destructive. I’m an esthete.

PS: I was excited after returning to Croatia. I immediately hurried to my family house in order to prove to everyone that I came back alive and to share my Egyptian experiences with them.

My father asked me: I hear you went diving? How deep did you go?

I was still distracted from the road so I didn’t know what I was talking about. I answered: Five meters.

Father: With or without oxygen?

Me: Well, I’m not Aquaman. I have no gills. Of course with oxygen.

Father and mother in the same voice: Well, you’re a jerk. We watched on TV the other day how they dive for pearls, 20 meters under without oxygen in the bottles, and you take oxygen for only five meters?

Any further discussion was futile. In fact, brother Miroslav interrupted the discussion with the comment: I don’t think Joe was in Egypt at all! It’s all Photoshop.

PSS: All of you who want to go to Egypt, a warm recommendation. The food is good, the people are extremely friendly, and the prices are three times cheaper than in Croatia. For 2 days in a hotel in Dalmatia, you can stay in Egypt for 7 days in a 5-star hotel, all inclusive. Still, this is not reason for you not to come to Croatia. Croatia is amazing. At one time, I did an interview with the Egyptian ambassador in Zagreb. We also touched on the comparison of our and their tourism. You can read it here: https://flash.hr/en/2019/04/aly-sirry-everybody-knows-tito-luka-modric-egypt/

 

Author: Josip Novosel aka Joe the Pharaoh, Gastro Snob and self proclaimed Dear Leader, a corresponding member of the “50 shades Pyramids” magazine, a friend to the wealthy, a tycoon and a snob but above all a human.

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