Irena complained to me about not being at the coast in eight years so what could a benefactor like myself say to that except for: “You are really insane, woman. Pack your stuff, we’re going to the coast this weekend. I’m taking you to Bol at the island of Brač.” Now, every single normal person would be jumping with joy if they heard that, but not her. She said: “Oh great! Now I have to get waxed, I look like a bloody Chewbacca and I don’t even have a bathing suit. Just look at my nails! I need to put new lashes on too…poor me. How am I supposed to do all that by weekend, tell me? I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I’d rather kill myself.” I felt like killing her in that moment, but I showed mercy and told her she has until Tuesday to get ready.
I got lucky because there was only one room available at the Kaštil hotel which is situated in the center of Bol. I booked it and specifically told Irena to leave her tent at home. We are going on a vacation with style. We left on Tuesday at midnight thirty in order to arrive to Brač in morning hours and have as much time for enjoying the beach as possible.
The hyena took a pillow with her. She slept like princess Aurora on the bus while I thought to myself jealously: “You could’ve taken a mattress too, you bitch!” At one moment, I was so tired my head fell on her bony shoulder. With a “light” clockwise twitch, she gave me a hematoma above the eye ever so gently to let me know that the pillow isn’t for me. Love hurts.
I’m not a vengeful person and I was ready to give her a hand at any moment. She felt like a queen.
We have arrived at the hotel early morning where we were treated by a polite receptionist Ivana who placed us in a small, but very comfy room. We changed our clothes and rushed to the beach at once. Even though Bol is known for the beach Zlatni rat, we’ve decided to go to a little cove about half way there. The poor girl hasn’t seen the coast in eight years. She was as pale as a corpse, but that didn’t stop her from posing for photos right away.
I also had to show my sexy Chucherye torso in order for divorce hearings on Brač to go sky high.
We also took a photo together. The Perfect duo 🙂
At one point, Irena mentioned my short legs which immediately awoke my inner Chucherye Strangler. “One does not simply dislike short legs and live the day.”
Inside the hotel, there is a restaurant Vusio. It is situated on their gorgeous terrace with a beautiful sea view. We’ve grown quite hungry after swimming the entire day so we enjoyed our dinner there very much.
You can find out a bit more about the Vusio restaurant in our story: https://flash.hr/2016/07/restoran-vusio-riblje-delicije-u-bolu-na-bracu/
Exhausted from the trip and the sun, we fell asleep right away. In the morning we had the most perfect breakfast. They had a phenomenal buffet, one that would put many higher ranked restaurants to shame. Irena couldn’t believe she was allowed to eat as much as she wanted. I, on the other hand, demonstrated the proper way of filling up the plate. The key is not to exaggerate in anything.
I couldn’t let her come to Bol without seeing Zlatni rat. We took a swim at one of the most beautiful beaches in the Adriatic.
Naturally, we got hungry again so we’ve decided to visit hotel Kaštils pizza place Topolino.
I started my meal with a light beer because it’s hard to stay sober while having to hang out with Irena.
Dalmatian plate for appetizer: prosciutto, cheese, anchovies…Yum!
To visit Brač and not order lamb would be sacrilegious.
We stuffed ourselves nicely and then Irena started cackling about how I look the same in every photo: “Look at my arms, look at my chest…! I am a bodybuilder!” She made me pose so she could make an artsy photo.
People at the yacht behind us were pissing themselves while I was trying to explain this was not what they thought it was and that it was all her idea. Irena was rolling on the floor from laughter an I wondered: “Why on earth have I invited her here? I don’t need this crap in my life.”
Anyhow, all in all, we had a great time at the hotel Kaštil and the Island of Brač. The sun, the sea, amazing food…just the best chill. I actually wanted to rent a small boat, but Irena is afraid of sailing. She wouldn’t even sail, let alone dive, but that does not mean you shouldn’t try out all of those activities once you visit the island of Brač.
There is also a cocktail bar Varadero inside the hotel so you surely won’t be bored during day as well as night hours.
Frane Radića 1,
21420 Bol, otok Brač
Tel: 00385 21 635 995
Author: JoeFlashhr aka Dear Leader aka Gastro Snob, a buff Apolon from Chucherye, self-effacing sailor, a friend of the wealthy, above all a human, at last but not least a taycoon and a snob.