Due to the jazz and blues jamms I started organizing, I have met the American guitar player Yogi Lonich who originates from Croatia. The man played with Shakira, Anastacia, Chris Cornell, but this portal wasn’t made to praise others. It was made to praise myself.
One day he called and asked me if I wanted to be his manager. I looked at the sky and asked the Almighty: “Dear Lord! Have you chosen me to be the manager of one of the best American blues guitarists?” God looked at me and said: “I didn’t have Conchita Wurst’s manager number:(”
I made friends with the owner of Factori bar in Rijeka so I have started organizing gigs there every weekend and this Friday it was Yogi’s turn. We got in the car and took off. Somewhere around the roundabout my friend Tanja called and asked: “Are you on the road yet?” I said: “Yes, we are at the roundabout.” Tanja: “Turn back this instant. It’s a fucking blizzard in the mountains, the traffic is closed for trucks, double deckers…cancel the gig.” Me: “May they cancel your kidney transplantation! We are not on a double decker nor a truck. We are going to Rijeka if it is the last thing we do.” When we arrived to the mountains, I regretted not listening to her. We drove 40 km per hour and prayed for our lives.
Actually, what frightened me the most was the idea of dying in Yogi’s car. The man drives a Skoda. I would have died with shame if I died in a Skoda. Can you imagine my cashier lady Helga opening the obituaries in the morning and starting to laugh like: “Hahahaha he lived like a rich man and died like the poorest sucker.” I have to go out in style. Crash of my private Cessna, an accident in an Aston Martin or even better – heart failure at the age of 100 in company of an exotic escort lady. I said that to Yogi and he couldn’t understand why I had an issue with Skoda.
We have arrived to Rijeka with some delay, but alive and well. The last time we went back home right after the gig, but this time we were smarter and had two rooms booked at the Jadran hotel which is situated next to the sea, near the center of the town. We left our stuff in the rooms. I wanted to lay down a bit, but Yogi wanted us to attend the tonal rehearsal.
The gig was amazing, the crowd was even better. Yogi performed with Rijeka’s legends Henry Radanović on the bass and Tonči Grabušić on drums.
I do not know what time it was when we got back to the hotel, but we agreed to meet up at breakfast in the morning. I woke up first. I had some diet pancakes, an omelette and light sausages.
I was so drunk from last night, I thought I was Picasso. These are the results of my artist inspiration. You may call me Joe Pablo.
I know you’ll say the eggs look like they’ve seen Trump in the dark, but what the hell do you know about cubism.
Meanwhile, Yogi has been taking a bunch of selfies for his Instagram. All of those rock stars are egomaniacs. They are not humble like us, the honest, working folks.
We had a beautiful terrace overlooking the sea. That is the best hangover therapy.
Yogi joined me afterwards, but we were so waisted, we decided to sleep until lunch. For the hors d’oeuvre we had: Krk pasta with the shrimps of Kvarner. A perversion of flavor if I may say. The pasta was melting in the mouth like Taylor Swift on the mention of my name.
The main dish was fresh fish. Hotel Jadran has its own fish farm so they offer fresh fish every day at their restaurant. We have decided to eat the European bass fillet with mediterranean mangel as a side.
A photo says a thousand words. The fish was bloody perfect. Yogi has realized after lunch that he needed to pay me more unless he wanted me to go work for Slash.
After breakfast we went to the beach which was just behind the hotel. It was a comfy -40ºC. I told Yogi to take some photos of me for facebook.
Yogi started complaining about only me being on the photos when he is the actual star. I had to please his vanity. “There you go, one more photo for the road.”
I said to him: “Look up to me. My photo is right there in the dictionary next to the word “humble”.
Namely, I had my inner Dear Leader awaken in me. I have decided to take a swim in the icy sea. Yogi was worried about me: “If your heart stops I don’t have to pay you, right?”
Afterwards he complained some more about how there weren’t enough of his photos there. I have promised that his photo would be the last one we take in order to not hurt his blues ego.
If you are in Rijeka for the weekend, make sure to visit the Factori bar because they have amazing concerts and if you need a great place with amazing food to stay at, Hotel Jadran is a perfect choice. Rijeka has once again become a cool town to go out and have fun in.
Šetalište XIII divizije 46, 51000, Rijeka
Ps. If you were wondering if I dared to swim in the icy sea, the answer lays in the following video:
Author: Josip Novosel, known as Gastro Snob and self-proclaimed Dear Leader, manager to those who pay, a corresponding member of the magazine: “Fuck the guitar, play the accordion!”, a friend to the wealthy, a tycoon and a snob but above all a human. https://www.instagram.com/joeflashhr/