I organised an IBMC – International Business Meetup Club party to celebrate my Birthday. People from all over the world showed up, including the Premier League marketing director from London. She is not relevant to this story at all. I just brag about her being there so that everyone sees how influential I am.
Among the guests was Soraya, but not the starlet, but her namesake from the Netherlands, more precisely the hated city of The Hague. The villains will say “Soraya for the poor”, but she also has a Rolex on her wrist, although not a sponsored one.
Although we got wasted at the party like Keith Richards and Boris Johnson together, we decided in the morning to go on a trip to distant but friendly Istria, more precisely to Motovun in Roxanich winery/hotel. We were joined by her friend Dirk who flew in from Ibiza just to attend my party.
Everyone gives me a hard time about “playing” a tycoon while I don’t even own a car and meanwhile they repay the loan installments for their second-hand metal pets every month, all kinds of insurances, registration and maintenance costs… I don’t have those worries. When I need a car, I go to Carwiz and say, “Give me the most expensive one! Give me this Passat automatic. ” Then I say to Soraya, “Oh nooo! I left my wallet at home. Can you handle the paperwork? ”
We turned up Country roads on the radio and set off. Soraya immediately got sick because she ate half a McDonald’s at the first gas station. I told her to save some room for truffles, but when you grow up in a country where the main specialty is stinky herring, Big Mac is your idea of superb gastronomy.
We arrived at the Roxanich hotel/winery just for lunch.
While Soraya was writhing in GMO pain, her colleague Dirk and I enjoyed a Boškarin steak. Only the best meat for the Dear Leader! Let the poor and vegans eat celery 🙂
I would be lying if I said that we did not peek into a glass…more like a bottle really.
I wanted to take a nap after the Istrian baccalaureates, but Soraya said it was time to take photos. Nature and vineyards are just the background here. Pay attention to Soraya’s figure. Unlike that other Soraya, my respective guest has 0% plastic in her strategic areas. One could say she is environmentally conscious.
Taking pictures without the Dear Leader, does not spark interest in any reader!
Vin Diesel for the poor, oil on canvas.
Coming to the winery and not visiting their wine cellar is the same as getting a job at a leading political party without making money on a fictional pandemic. I just had to change my clothes so as not to come to the tasting looking like a slumdog.
Fidelio Tailor style:
Most of the grapes for Roxanich wines come from the western parts of the peninsula. It is a famous part of Istria called “Red Istria”, named after its unusual type of red soil (terra rossa) formed from limestone. Red soil is pH neutral and rich in nutrients and minerals – ideal for growing grapes.
This is also proof to all right-wingers that Red does not always have to be bad.
At the Roxanich winery, wines are aged in large wooden containers and barrels. This minimizes the area of contact between wood and grapes and greatly reduces the infusion of wood tannins into wine. The result is wood in its natural role – a micro-oxygenation membrane that delivers oxygen to the wine in a natural and controlled way. There are no synthetic chemicals in the wine cellar. Sulfites are reduced to the minimum necessary level, and barrels are treated exclusively with natural beeswax.
I know I sound smart, but it’s not just because I enrolled in a sommelier course at the Croatian Sommelier Club, but also because I copied all this from the Roxanich website.
It is interesting that the owner of the winery, Mr. Mladen Rožanić, has the largest collection of Cuban cigars in Croatia. Naturally, they were locked up.
At one point I wanted to seem really smart so I told Soraya, “Look! They have a Japanese garden. ” It turned out that they were Georgian amphorae, they just can’t be seen because they are underground. But there is no point in me writing essays about it. If you’re interested in learning something more about amphorae and the wine within them, visit Roxanich Winery.
Of course we ended the tour with a wine tasting. Soraya is a big fan of orange wine, so she liked the orange wine “Ines in white” the most: Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Blanc, Pinot Gris, Vermentino, Glera, Friulano, Riesling Italico. My favorite may have been the red wine “Dite”: Teran and Plavac Mali (Dingac).
There were more people with us at the tasting, but we saw right away that they had no experience with wines. Unlike them, we are professionals and we politely drank every glass to the end. We were taught as children that wine should not be spilled in vain.
Our famous wine expert, Mr. Boris Johnson, once said: “I don’t drink, I taste!”
After enjoying food and wine all day, I just wanted to go to my room, watch the rerun of Good Morning Croatia and fall asleep. A big compliment to the hotel designers for designing stairs for us short people aka Hobits to make it easier to climb on the bed.
The best part of any hotel is the hotel breakfast. Roxanich did not disappoint. As I get older, I watch what I eat. They had all sorts of cereals in jars and all kinds of bran and I very carefully skipped that and focused on Istrian sausages, prosciutto, bacon, eggs, croissants, pancakes and all other foods necessary for my physical development.
Where I come from, people say that one egg every morning gives strength to the body. Add some bacon on top and there is no better protection from Corona.
We wanted to spend a sunny morning at the pool with a beautiful view, maybe go for a massage, sauna, see Motovun on bicycles, but since Dirk has never been to Croatia, which means he has never seen our sea, we decided to make a day trip to Rovinj.
In order not to turn out that our friend was made up, here are some of his photos. He said he’s not photogenic, but I convinced him not to worry because I’m the self-proclaimed God of photography and for everything else there’s Photoshop.
Soraya and I also had to post a photo so that followers on social media know that we have a better life than them.
Summer Dear Leader Joe
Although it was mid-October, it was sunny 15 degrees outside so we had to take the opportunity and jump into the sea. I felt like Vladimir Putin on vacation 🙂
We also visited the Dobravac winery in Rovinj where we were greeted by the kind oenologist Matea Jagar aka Miss Vinart. She prepared a plate of local delicacies for us. I think one photo speaks a thousand words. Discount products can go fuck themselves. This is life.
We tasted all their wines and if the winery pays me, maybe in the next column I’ll mention which wines it was. In any case, it is a winery worth visiting.
Our trip to Rovinj was coming to an end so we decided to go back to the hotel and take a look around their shop where you can buy all their wines, olive oils, etc.
I talked to the winemaker’s daughter, Lara Rožanić. She told me how their hotel was filled to the brim. Just that weekend they had a Loreal marketing team over. We were lucky we got the last room. As I mentioned earlier, unlike Dalmatia, Istria has a tourist season of 12 months. It is a world unto itself. A paradise for hedonists.
I told her how nice it is when a man gets a out of town for a while and forgets about stress. Wine, good food, untouched nature… somehow I felt spiritualized. It is as if we forget that it is not all about money and material things. I felt like I was back to my roots, like I was back on track. It was as if something was shining on me from heaven, true enlightenment.
I realized that happiness is not to have, happiness is to have and to know that the others don’t have.
I expect an attack by the moral police and the Workers’ Front in 3,2,1… “Did he really say that in the end?”, “Disgusting capitalist!”, “He doesn’t even have a “S” in Spirituality! “Is he not afraid of God at all?”, “Look at the position of his hands! It can be seen from the plane that he is a Freemason! ”,“ He will burn in hell! ”
The next day we had to get up early because Soraya and Dirk were rushing to catch the plane and I was on a sommelier course. We sent our last greetings to Motovun, to which we return at the first opportunity.
Author: Josip Novosel aka Dear Leader aka Vin Diesel for the poor – self-effacing caster of spells from Čučerje, corresponding member of the magazine “Let them drink discount wine”, friend of the rich, a tycoon and Gastro Snob, but above all a human.