WE TRIED NEW PIZZAS AND COCKTAILS AT ONE OF EUROPE’S BEST PIZZERIAS – FRANKO’S

Although I am short (Not like Hobbit or Tom Cruise, just not NBA size), I always knew I would be big, and size is not just in inches (I now expect an attack from the ladies for 3.2,…).

Wise people would say: “You are not big if you do not have your own street, your own square or your own monument…” I thought about that statement for a long time and fell into depression. I have none of the above. I tried to console myself that it is because I am still alive, but what will the street do for me when I die? I need something now, to show everyone that I am better and bigger than them. Is it a Napoleon complex or just the realization that I am worth and deserve more? So many questions, and so few answers.

I got hungry from philosophical thinking. I hesitated between crisped panda cutlet with a sauce of seal fetuses and a tiger cub laid upon a bed of severed baboon index fingers. Unfortunately, it was not the season for endangered animal species. At that moment, I had an epiphany. A promotion for a new pizza at Franko’s popped up on the web. I only read DEAR… and instantly I knew: “They made a pizza in my honor. Dear Leader Joe pizza.” I finally succeeded. I’m big, bigger than others, larger than life! Who else on earth can boast that a pizza is named after him, and that at Frankos, which is in the TOP 15 best pizzerias in Europe, and since the best pizzas are in Europe, they are in the TOP 15 best pizzerias in the world. I couldn’t pull myself together. Who should I call first: the Prime Minister? The President? Cashier Renata from Studenac? This is for the suffering people of Cucerje (Shithole where my parents live), equal to landing a man on the moon.

I called Jana and Jerna, whom I had met on a Masonic Youth excursion, and told them: I’m taking you to Franko’s for a pizza they made in my honor and for the cocktails they just released, probably to celebrate the release of the most important pizza of all time. They couldn’t hide their excitement.

I immediately told the friendly waiter: “Give the young ladies the most expensive cocktails and mix me a real, manly one, so that it’s clear that I grew up in Croatian Bronx aka Dubrava.”

Cocktail Santoni Martini – Takamaka Rum (Ne Badelov nego Takamaka), Amaretto, Pandan Lime

Cocktail Mint Paloma – Arette Tequila Plano, Mint, Hibiscus, Double Dutch Pink, Grapefruit soda

Cocktail “East Side” or how Croatian0’s would say “Serbian side” – Gibson Gin, Lime leaf, Lime, Double Dutch, Cucumber Watermelon Tonic

I got straight to the point and said we wanted not one, not two, but 3 pizzas. Dear Leader Joe is not a Jew. I asked the waiter to bring me the Istrian pizza NO FAKE TRUFFLES, then MIXED EMOTIONS and of course the third one they named after me.

No Fake Truffles pizza – Ricotta cream, asparagus, dates, fig and blue pea jam, fior di latte, pancetta, black truffle, white truffle oil, Istrian cheese, blue pea pearls, fresh basil

Waiter: “The one that we named after you?” Me: “Of course, Dear Leader!” Waiter: “You mean DEAR DEER?” Me: “I’m not a deer. I mean DEAR LEADER as a North Korean Leader” Waiter: “There must have been some confusion. This pizza is called Dear Deer because it has deer bresaola from Count Lovski on it.” Me: “What Count Lovski? I’m Count of Cucerje!”

Dear Deer pizza – Beetroot, bermet and purple onion base. Filling – Mozzarella fior di latte, soft goat cheese, spinach and the bearer of it all, venison bresaola

At that moment I looked like the WTC on 9.11.. Everything was burning inside me. PORKE, PORKE? I was so close to a global success. It was too good to be true. It was just a play on words. If they could make Dear Deer, they’ll make Dear Leader. Let’s go eat this now, and then I’ll call the owner of Franko’s to sort out this little, but actually big misunderstanding.

The sisters looked at each other in amazement. They couldn’t believe the discussion they were witnessing. It was as if they were asking themselves, “Are we really sitting in the company of the Count?”

You’ve probably noticed by now that Jana and Jerna look very similar. That’s because they’re sisters. You may have also noticed that they’re white, or to be more precise, extremely white. Now some of you may be wondering: “Why was Dear Leader Joe last time at Franko’s with black girls, and now with white girls? Who is this man? Who does he represent? Is he ours or theirs?”

After the last post from Franko’s, I received a complaint from the patriotic Croatian union “WHITE POWER”, saying that I was ashamed of my skin color and that I was discriminating against local girls. I didn’t want to further raise tensions this time before the Christmas holidays, so I decided to support the girls from our area, but soon everything will turn black again in Dear Leader Joe’s columns. It’s only a matter of time 🙂

The girls commented that the pizzas were much better than in the student cafeteria and that I should feel free to invite them to Franko’s again, but that they would come themselves if I was prevented.

I forgot to mention: Last time I was in Franko’s in Branimirova Street, and now I was in the new Franko’s, in Charles Darwin Street 4H. In a conversation with the manager Zvonimir Tkalcevic, I learned that Frankos plans to open a couple of new restaurants (Big Franko’s in the center of Zagreb, Oldschool pizza & pub in Novi Zagreb and a couple of other interesting locations. As things stand, Frankos is becoming a domestic, but soon international franchise. It’s spreading like bird flu and COVID together 🙂

I had another Pai Tai cocktail – Takamaka Dark Rum, Amaretto, Pandan, Lime

They say that they have 100% positive reviews for gluten-free pizza, and one of the comments is: Please tell the chef that we are overjoyed that as celiacs we finally ate a great gluten-free pizza because it was not available to order until now. The pizza is PERFECT. This is also confirmed by gourmets who are allowed to eat gluten and who had to try it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I just want to point out that this was not a paid post for any gluten-free association. I don’t know what came over me that I wrote this. Maybe post-covid syndrome. Gluten God, please forgive me.

For the End:

We wish Frankos all his wishes come true, and until the Michelin recommendation, the one from Count of Cucerje aka Dear Leader Joe will be good too 🙂

www.instagram.com/dearleaderjoe

www.facebook.com/dearleaderjoe.official

www.tiktok.com/dearleaderjoe.official

Please follow and like us:

1

20

20

20