There are people who go to Vrapce for treatment in Zagreb’s most well-known mental institution, and then there are also those who go the same distance to taste Vrapce’s dry aged steaks, which offers what could be considered gastro therapy. The other day, an Indian colleague, aka Raj, complained to me that he hadn’t tried a good steak in Zagreb for a long time.My friend, artist Jasminka also complained to me that she hadn’t tried anything for a long time, let alone steak, which she had only seen in movies.So that it wouldn’t turn out that everyone in this country is complaining, the producer Suzana also contacted me to brag about how she smashed 4 sausages and scrambled eggs that she made herself, but if I’m ready to treat her, she could eat more.
I self-deprecatingly looked at the sky and asked the Creator: ”Those mother fuckers? How did all the hungry people in the world get my cell phone number?What are they preparing for the Great Depression, so they found me feed them?I’m not Mother Teresa!”God said: “Feed them. Stinginess is one of the seven deadly sins!”I decided to listen to the pleas of these suffering people and take them to Bistro Vrapcak.For those who don’t know, “Bistro Vrapcak & Steakehouse” is known for its great grill, and recently they have become one of the most popular places in Zagreb for lovers of dry aged steaks prepared by Chef Ivan Mudri.
Suzana wanted us to sit in the back of the restaurant, but I refused.This is no time for romance.I wanted to be in front so that I would have witnesses that I had honored these hungry orphans.
To begin with, we ordered a cold platter for an appetizer: some prosciutto, cheese, kulen, bacon and what delighted us the most, homemade crackers, which melted in our mouths like ice in Antarctica, because in Croatia people still prefers Golf diesel instead of Tesla 🙂
When discussing the topic of climate change, Suzana boasted that she has been eating beans for days and is releasing CO2 into the atmosphere without any remorse.It was embarrassing for me, but also for the other climate fanatics at the table.I wanted to throw the tomato I’m saving for the Museum of Contemporary Art at Suzana, but then she looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and seemed to say: “Just give me a sign and you’ll be mine”
At the table next to us, someone was enjoying a beefsteak salad. I was between two fires. There are Suzanne’s beautiful eyes on one side, but a steak is a steak, and the steak won. Sorry Suzanna.
So that we wouldn’t end up drooling over the food at other people’s tables, I ordered the meat platter, 2.5 kg of the best dry aged steaks to be exact: 2 NY strip black angus, T-bone, Rib-Eye, Simmental steak and The M Brothers steak.I didn’t want to exaggerate.After all, Christmas is approaching, and the point of Advent is not extravagance, but modesty.
Chef Ivan boasted to us that they order top quality meat from The M Brothers farm/butcher shop.The steaks are dry aged for 40 days in special chambers.During the ripening process, meat loses water, so dry aged steaks lose up to 40% of their initial weight.This is why Dry Aged steaks are so soft and juicy, but also are more expensive than fresh meat.Regardless of which steak you order, a kilo costs HRK 280.You can also order smaller portions like 300g per person, but I didn’t want people in Vrapce to think I was poor.
Along with this ”modest” meat meal, as a newly minted sommelier of the first degree, I ordered a bottle of Katunar Nigra.Great red wine from the island of Krk.On the one hand, it carries all the characteristics of syrah, from which it is made, with recognizable aromas of anise, blackberry, black cherry, currant, olive, black pepper, blueberry…, but also the location from which it originates: a vineyard at 150 to 180 meters above sea level, with30% slope, south-southwest orientation.
If you also want to be recognized as someone who’s highbrow and with refined taste, you can pay for a sommelier course or just copy all this information from the Katunar website, as I did 🙂
Jasminka and Suzana seemed to approve, if their smiles like Keith Richards and Boris Johnson after rehabilitation are any indication.
By now, everyone is asking: “Where is that Indian guy?”He must have made it up just like he makes up that he is influential and makes a lot of money!”
As you can see, my Indian friend is real. Rajeev Rao married Jelena Kraljić from the island of Krk. They have apartments in Njivice, and both have been involved in tourism for years. The owner of Bistro Vrapcak, also has a restaurant in Njivice called “Bourbon Grill”, so you can enjoy top quality food there as well. Now let’s go back to the Indian.
Raj is currently the main man for importing Indian workers to Croatia. If you need: cleaners, waiters, IT professionals, builders, housewives… he has everything. I’m urging him to start importing Bollywood beauties, but he still hasn’t listened to me. I expect an attack by Woke activists in 3.2…
Raj is the man who will solve all your labor problems. Just for the record, this is not a paid ad although I expect Raj to treat me with Indian dinner that he will prepare himself 🙂
As a side note, Jasminka asked me not to publish a photo of her drinking meat sauce. She thought it was a cocktail. I promised her I wouldn’t publish it.
Finally, she took her village pad and pen. We asked her: “Is this your winning Euro Jackpot combination?” Jasminka said: “No. I’m counting your bites. I certainly won’t pay for it all. I only have bones left. An Indian and you ate for half of Bangladesh, and Suzana didn’t go hungry either.”
Jasminka has a tapeworm. It is the pain of all artists. The goddess forgot that she had swallowed two steaks by herself. I told her: “Don’t worry about anything. Dear Leader Joe is paying today.”
Her head echoed: “Dear Leader Joe pays for everything?” She smiled like Joker and said: “Let’s go Suzy. We can drink another bottle of Nigra, and we could eat something sweet.”
To finish this amazing lunch, we ordered another cake and pancakes with marmalade because Jasminka blood sugar dropped, and another bottle of Nigra also dropped, of course at my expense. If they remember me on the Day of Generosity, they do, if not, who am I to judge them?
Author: Josip Novosel aka Dear Leader Joe aka Vin Diesel or Andrew Tate for the poor, correspondent member of the magazine “Vegetables is only for decoration”, friend of rich and famous, first of all a humble man, and only then a tycoon and the Gastro Snob.