Hanibal restaurant – How to eat good on Hvar and not to spend a fortune

She was there with her friend Ana, whom I also know. I invited them to join me for lunch at the Hanibal restaurant and immediately let Tamara know that I was expecting a project for Villa Dear Leader Joe.  Concrete lions at the entrance, a fountain with a dolphin, a picture of Mother Teresa at the bottom of the pool… all in good taste. I want everything to look luxurious and with style.

We settled on the beautiful terrace of a restaurant that was not named after the cannibal from the movie but after Hanibal Lucić  about whom you heard the same as about Madagascar. He was  Croatian Renaissance poet and playwright, author of the first secular drama in Croatian language.

We ordered steak tartare and tuna tartare for an appetizer. 

The food arrived on the table fairly quickly and I immediately put on a smile like Franjo Tudjman when he first rigged the election. Tartar melted in my mouth like ice in the refrigerator of cashier Helga. Now, Karen from the outskirts will surely say: “I would never eat raw meat.  Phew!”. What to say to such people? Better to eat raw than to be poor. 

I immediately said to the kind waitress, “Two glasses of white wine for me and Tamara and a glass of water for Ana.” My arm is short but generous. 

I must have been extremely witty because Ana didn’t stop laughing. I think at one point she even told me I was funnier than Donald Trump’s hair flying in the wind.

Time passes well in good company, so it was time for the main course. We ordered an avocado burger, chicken breast with bacon and gnocchi with shrimps and truffles.

I didn’t mention to the waitress that I wanted a medium done burger so it was well done which most people like, but I’m not the majority. The burger must be medium done, just enough reddish on the inside. Fuck it, my mistake. It was tasty anyway. The gnocchi and chicken were great and the bacon was perfectly crispy.

Finally, we ordered a delicious chocolate cake to send a message to everyone who doesn’t have it: “Let them eat cake”

Great food in a great location in great company and really extremely friendly and unobtrusive staff. Life is beautiful when you are an influencer and do nothing. I mean, we can’t all live off of digging potatoes.  A glass of wine is 25 kn, beefsteak 80 kn, gnocchi with truffles 80 kn, avocado burger 80 kn… prices as I would expect in Zagreb, but not on Hvar. I thought it would be a lot more expensive. I know that the cashier Helga will say: “Is that cheap for you? That kind of money puts food on my table for a week!” What should I tell her now? “Of course it does when you cook hot dogs and microwave soup.” It can be cheaper in Vir, Pirovac or Pešćenica, but for Hvar these are really low prices.

There was nothing left but to go swimming on one of the most beautiful beaches on Hvar.  Pokonji dol bay.  I will take this opportunity to greet the owner of Mustačo bar and restaurant in the bay.

PS: I know that the owner’s sister thinks: “That bastard! He never mentioned me and I kept him company and helped him with accommodation and photography. I wish he doesn’t live to see the sunrise again!” Namely, she will be mentioned in a column about their Asian restaurant Spice. She is such a complex and special person that she cannot be described in two sentences. An entire column is needed and it may even be in sequels.

Restaurant Hanibal – Hvar

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